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27-JAN-2025 | Tern Shirts’ “Is your husband in another man’s arms?” Ad

Author

Dan Bogachek
January 27, 2025

Tern Shirts’ “Is your husband in another man’s arms?” Ad

Is your husband in another man’s arms?

When you buy your old man a white shirt, things don’t always work out right.

The collar’s his size, but the sleeves are someone else’s.

To make matters easier for both of you, we offer the Tern Spin-King shirt.

We make its sleeves in five lengths. From 32 to 36 inches.

He should fit in quite comfortably.

You, however, should like Spin-King for other reasons.

The non-iron cotton the shirt is made from has been specially treated.

It comes out of the tub needing less ironing than any other non-iron cotton shirt.

For all this, of course, we expect something in return.

45 bob.

Write to George Stevens, Tern Shirts, Tottenham, and he’ll tell you which shops will take your money. 🏁

  • Shock hook. “wtf?”

  • “You” throughout.

  • “From 32 to 36 inches.” → complete ideas > complete sentences.

  • See how the features (the how) immediately point to the benefits (the so what).

  • “We expect something in return” → punchy punchline. “We do expect you to pay ;)”

  • Tell your reader what to do with the CTA. Literally tell them to do it.

You glance at your watch.

It’s 6:28. You’ve been at it since 3.
Crap. Your hot date is at 7. Running late. Sink shower it is.
Nowhere close to done editing…

“…at least all the ideas are laid out, so there’s that. Did I miss anything? I don’t think so? Ok, but how do I make it flow? I need to get the final draft to Stacey for design asap, team cutoff is at noon Thursday…”

You’ve spent dinner completely distracted. Your date just took off. You go home exhausted, plod to your desk, and flip open the laptop.

Or… what if:

5:41 — you’re out of the shower and lip-syncing.
6:17 — dressed to the nines and zenned out.
7:03 — the sunset glints off your aviators as you smile hello.
8:36 — it actually feels like you’re hitting it off. Not just hot, funny to boot.
Next morning, 9:27 — final draft ready in your inbox.
10:31 — Stacey messages back, “thanks, looks good!”

The difference?

Copygloss handled it. Before you left for the date, actually.

For help with editing, email Dan:
[email protected].