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30(ish)-SEP-2024 | Excerpt from Mobil's "Please Don't Get Killed" Ad

Author

Dan Bogachek
October 01, 2024

Excerpt from Mobil's "Please Don't Get Killed" Ad

Please don’t get killed this Sunday.
We’d like to sell you gas on Monday.

We all have to die sometime.

But we don’t have to die in our cars.

And we certainly don’t have to die in our cars this weekend.

Unfortunately, weekends are murder. And this coming weekend won’t be any different.

The numbers alone are enough to kill you! We lose almost 400 people on the average weekend.

And that’s an average weekend, ladies and gentleman. (On holiday weekends, it’s even worse.)

So the lesson is damnably clear: if more than 165 people get killed on Sundays and only (?) 90 odd get killed on Tuesdays, something can be done.

And the somebody who can do it is you. 🏁

  • Hook — doesn’t get more in your face than that. Time to put a label to a pattern we’ve seen before. It’s the: “Our self-interest benefits you. So sue us!” line.

  • Great repetition on “die”. Notice how it elaborates further on each rep? And it uses joiner words like “but” and “and.”

  • The tactical sentence-in-parentheses, nice. Someone took notes from VW!

  • “And the somebody who can do it is you” is the perfect mini-hook to set up the rest of the ad. It’s calling you to action — but you need to read on to find out what, exactly.

You glance at your watch.

It’s 6:28. You’ve been at it since 3.
Crap. Your hot date is at 7. Running late. Sink shower it is.
Nowhere close to done editing…

“…at least all the ideas are laid out, so there’s that. Did I miss anything? I don’t think so? Ok, but how do I make it flow? I need to get the final draft to Stacey for design asap, team cutoff is at noon Thursday…”

You’ve spent dinner completely distracted. Your date just took off. You go home exhausted, plod to your desk, and crack open the laptop.

Or… it could go like this:

5:41 — you’re out of the shower and lip-syncing.
6:17 — dressed to the nines and zenned out.
7:03 — the sunset glints off your aviators as you smile hello.
8:36 — it actually feels like you’re hitting it off. Not just hot, funny to boot.
Next morning, 10:27 — polished draft ready in your inbox.
10:31 — Stacey messages back, “thanks, looks good!”

The difference?

You had Copygloss handle it yesterday afternoon.

For help with editing, email Dan:
[email protected].