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  • 24-JAN-2025 | Excerpt from “Immortality, Inc.” by Robert Sheckley

24-JAN-2025 | Excerpt from “Immortality, Inc.” by Robert Sheckley

Author

Dan Bogachek
January 24, 2025

Excerpt from “Immortality, Inc.” by Robert Sheckley

In the morning Alice made breakfast. Blaine sat, staring out the window, thinking dismal thoughts.

Last night had proven to him conclusively that Kranch was still king of the Kranch-Blaine body-mind. For last night he had been completely unlike himself. He had been fierce, violent, rough, angry and exultant. He had been all the things he had always deplored, had acted with an abandon that must have bordered on madness.

That was not Blaine. That was Kranch, the Body Triumphant.

Blaine had always prized delicacy, subtlety, and the grasp of nuance. Too much, perhaps. Yet those had been his virtues, the expressions of his own personality. With them, he was Thomas Blaine. Without them he was less than nothing — a shadow cast by the eternally triumphant Kranch. 🏁

  • Repetition on “he had,” illustrating the “dismal thoughts” we’re made aware of earlier. We see them dart through Blaine’s head one by one.

  • 1-2’s, but in the reverse order from what we usually see — these are short-long, short-long. The short pieces set the scene, the longer paragraphs do the illustrating.

You glance at your watch.

It’s 6:28. You’ve been at it since 3.
Crap. Your hot date is at 7. Running late. Sink shower it is.
Nowhere close to done editing…

“…at least all the ideas are laid out, so there’s that. Did I miss anything? I don’t think so? Ok, but how do I make it flow? I need to get the final draft to Stacey for design asap, team cutoff is at noon Thursday…”

You’ve spent dinner completely distracted. Your date just took off. You go home exhausted, plod to your desk, and flip open the laptop.

Or… what if:

5:41 — you’re out of the shower and lip-syncing.
6:17 — dressed to the nines and zenned out.
7:03 — the sunset glints off your aviators as you smile hello.
8:36 — it actually feels like you’re hitting it off. Not just hot, funny to boot.
Next morning, 9:27 — final draft ready in your inbox.
10:31 — Stacey messages back, “thanks, looks good!”

The difference?

Copygloss handled it. Before you left for the date, actually.

For help with editing, email Dan:
[email protected].