1-AUG-2024 | Murder Burger

Author

Dan Bogachek
August 01, 2024

Murder Burger Job Ad

Murder Burger Needs More Meat

We’re in need of some more people to work shifts in Murder Burger.

Basically the job involves turning up, taking money off people and not pissing anyone off. Which as an aside, is something the people at Vodafone should learn.

Unlike our esteemed political leaders there are no taxpayer funded perks to go with the job. We won’t pay your rent, clean your house or fly you all over the world for free. However we will bend over backwards to try and make your shifts work around whatever else you happen to have going on in your life.

You’ll be trained and looked after by Noel, who is nice, Gary, who is Indian, and Tony who can’t be reached on the phone ever even if there is something really important you need to talk to him about.

So if you’re looking for a challenge (whatever that means), are an enthusiastic self starter (whatever that means) and can turn up on time then send an email to [email protected]

In other news, today I learnt that bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

Personality, baby.

Love the self-deprecating humor, and the name of the establishment.

So macabre… yet so cute!

And the monochrome. I’m a sucker for monochrome.

Whoever wrote this wasn’t into the whole brevity thing. Which, I appreciate because sometimes you need to mix things up.

You glance at your watch.

It’s 6:28. You’ve been at it since 3.
Crap. Your hot date is at 7. Running late. Sink shower it is.
Nowhere close to done editing…

“…at least all the ideas are laid out, so there’s that. Did I miss anything? I don’t think so? Ok, but how do I make it flow? I need to get the final draft to Stacey for design asap, team cutoff is at noon Thursday…”

You’ve spent dinner completely distracted. Your date just took off. You go home exhausted, plod to your desk, and crack open the laptop.

Or… it could go like this:

5:41 — you’re out of the shower and lip-syncing.
6:17 — dressed to the nines and zenned out.
7:03 — the sunset glints off your aviators as you smile hello.
8:36 — it actually feels like you’re hitting it off. Not just hot, funny to boot.
Next morning, 10:27 — polished draft ready in your inbox.
10:31 — Stacey messages back, “thanks, looks good!”

The difference?

You had Copygloss handle it yesterday afternoon.

For help with editing, email Dan:
[email protected].